Interracial Relationships…what’s the big deal?

I really find it odd and rather sad that in the year 2008 there is still extensive dialogue about ‘interracial dating’. To begin with, there is no such thing as ‘race’. What exactly is a ‘black’ or ‘white’ person?

The concept of race was started back in the 19th Century in European societies as a means to define individuals based on their skin color, hair form, bone structure, and body shape. The purpose of such definitions was to divide people into categories as a means of control and domination. I guess this gives a brief explanation of why it seems to come up all the time in various scenarios, especially since I moved down here to the south.

I have dated inter-racially a number of times and I have got to say that one of those relationships was one of the best relationships that I have ever had. He was the first white guy that I had dated seriously and it took me awhile to get over my own issues about the relationship. When it first started off, I really felt like everyone, everywhere we went was staring at us. Actually on our first date we went to Cheesecake Factory and it seemed like for some reason there was a disproportionate number of black folks in the restaurant that day. No worry to him, he walked by greeting various onlookers with a warm smile. When we sat down at our booth, the waitress hadn’t even taken our drink order before he was like “I wanna come over to your side of the booth, you are too far away”. Next thing I know, this guy is on my side of the booth, gazing into my eyes and rubbing my hand. I cannot tell you how uncomfortable I was! Not necessarily by the attention that he was showering me with, but more so by what I imagined all of the people around us were whispering at their tables.

I left that date unsure whether or not there would be a 2nd one. But alas, he pursued the relationship – and he was charming, cute, and very attentive. I was 20 years old at the time and he was quite a bit older than me…but that in and of itself wasn’t really the issue. It was the race thing. It took me about 2 months of seeing him consistently to where I no longer was concerned what other people thought about the two of us. After I released that hang up…I enjoyed a 2.5 year happy relationship. I figured out, it really wasn’t a big deal after all.

30something Revelation: Stay true to yourself and don’t worry about what others thing about it. “Those that care, don’t matter. Those that matter, don’t care.”

Old School Hip Hop Wednesdays. MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Run D.M.C. – Christmas in Hollis

Daddy was right…

As you grow in 30somethingdom an amazing thing happens…your parents become smarter and smarter. The things that didn’t make sense to you growing up, revisit you in a windfall of ‘ah ha” moments.

One such ‘ah ha’ moment that I had recently was on a topic that my dad tried to instill in me as a teenager. “All men want to get in your pants…no boy wants to be your friend!”, my Dad would often explain to me. Of course there are exceptions to this rule; Antwan has never tried to holla (he’s more concerned with borrowing my earrings). But other than that….hmmmm… I can’t think of many other of my so called ‘male friends’ where there does not exist some either overt or underlying sexual energy or innuendo. Ladies, whether we admit it or not…98.9% of men who proclaim to be your ‘friend’ would sleep with you in a NY minute if given the opportunity. Some of them don’t even need all of that…they would be content to just licking your toes or go old school playa on you and ‘just give you a massage’…but I digress.

Admittedly, I have been one of those girls who has been mostly oblivious to men who are trying to suggestively demonstrate interest in me. I’m one of those overt types of women. If you are interested in me, let me know and demonstrate it with your actions. But what I have come to increasingly realize is that Daddy was right. Most of these guys are not really interested in anything significant, but they definitely would confiscate the panties if given the opportunity. Now I do believe that men and women can be friends. I definitely have some platonic male friends. But I am starting to think that if I took a survey of them – their underlying intentions may not be as platonic as I think they are.

Thirtysomething Revelation – Ladies guard your panties. One of your ‘friends’ is scheming to get ‘em!

Would you date someone your friend used to go out with?

A few months ago I was at a BBQ with some friends and we got into a discussion on whether or not it was ever ok to date your friend’s ex. While the responses varied across the room, the consensus was a resounding “no!”; a response that I generally agree with. However, my question is this…if your friend broke up with the person, dogged the person out, and you could recognize that they were a good guy/girl that you would be highly compatible with – would you go for it? My assertion is that nothing is ever cut and dry and happiness can be fleeting. I feel like the appropriate thing to do if the person is a good friend is to talk to them directly and see how they feel about the prospect of you dating their ex. If they are a good friend, and they have a problem with it – then absolutely – hands off! Now if this is a friend that you are not that tight with, and you know may only be in your life for ‘a season’ then maybe you should meditate on it. In my thirtysomething years I have seen many case where happily married couple were initially met by way of a friend that one of them was initially dating. I’m definitely not advocating being a backstabber, but I am asserting that in issues of love and happiness everything is not always so cut and dry. What do you think?

Do You…

“To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting.” ~e.e. cummings, 1955

Thirtysomething Revelation – Do you. Always. To the Fullest. Everyday…all day.

OLD SCHOOL HIP HOP WEDNESDAYS! – Knowledge. Wisdom. Understanding.

This song was one of the main conduits that made me want to learn more about my history.

“I believe that if you’re teaching history
deal with straight up facts no mystery
Teach the student what needs to be taught
‘Cause Black and White kids both take shorts
When one doesn’t know about the other ones’ culture
Ignorance swoops down like a vulture
‘Cause you don’t know that you ain’t just a janitor
No one told you about Benjamin Banneker
A brilliant Black man that invented the almanac
Can’t you see where KRS is coming at?”

“You Must Learn”- Boogie Down Productions

Debunking the Ho/Housewife Desire in Men.

Men are fascinating creatures. Although they are purported as the more ‘logical’ sex…I can’t say that I really understand 70% of their reasoning on most issues. The one that really gets me is the so-called desire for this pure, virgin wife idea. Now I totally agree that spiritually and healthwise it is definitely advisable that people not engage in premarital sex. I agree with that. However, my issue lies in this dual fantasy that men seem to have of the innocent,pure housewife and then at the same time they lust for the naughty, freaky girl. Correct me if I am wrong ladies and gentlemen, but they are rarely (if ever) the same person. These same men want a woman who has never been with anyone else…but then wants the woman who will let them slap it, flip it and rub it down on the regular. While I don’t agree with the idea that it is desirable for a woman(or man) to have slept with the world before they get married – what is up with the virgin/ho fantasy?

Get your cook on!

There was a time where I was one of those females that flatly refused to cook for a man. It wasn’t that I couldn’t cook or anything of that nature, it was just that my psyche was consumed with visions of being barefoot, pregnant with an apron tied around my waist and a man who wouldn’t take me anywhere because he wants me to cook every night. My mother always told me, “don’t start what you’re not gonna finish”, so I figured if I started doing it all the time, I’d have to finish it…and that prospect wasn’t so appealing to me. As a professional woman, I visualized myself as being “too good” to waste my time cooking. Sure I may bless you with a 15 minute meal off the Foreman grill, but if you think I am spending any more time than that, you’ve got another thing coming. (An empty stomach!)

As I have matured and entered my thirties I have come into a better understanding of the nurturing power of a good home cooked meal. I was engaged in a good conversation with a male friend of mine about 7-8 years ago and he explained it this way, “When a woman cooks for you, it is like she is nurturing or caring for you and every man wants to be nurtured and cared for.” After pondering that for awhile, I realized what he was saying and marveled at the idea that I could use my cooking to show that I cared for someone. I think a good meal definitely has healing powers to the soul and I have been told repeatedly by a men that I have dated that they could not get me off of their minds, after I cooked for them. I’ve definitely got that kitchen mojo!

So ladies…I am going to share with you every Wednesday, some of my favorite recipes. Try it out and cook them for your man and let me know how that works out. Fellas you should check these out too…because I imagine ham sandwiches eventually get played out!

SOTERIA’S RECIPE OF THE DAY – SWEET N’ HOT GLAZED SALMON

This recipe is delicious! Serve with mashed potatoes and
sauteed green beans for an easy to make but impressive and elegant meal!

HOT ‘N GLAZED SALMON

INGREDIENTS
1 1/2 cups apricot nectar
1/3 cup chopped dried apricots
2 tablespoons honey
2 tablespoons reduced sodium soy sauce
1 tablespoon grated fresh ginger
2 cloves garlic, minced
1/8 teaspoon cayenne pepper
1/4 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1 (3/4 pound) salmon filet without skin

DIRECTIONS
Preheat your oven’s broiler, and grease a broiling pan.
In a saucepan over medium heat, mix together the apricot nectar, dried apricots, honey, soy sauce, ginger, garlic, cinnamon and cayenne. Bring to a boil, then reduce heat to medium-low, and simmer for about 20 minutes, or until reduced by about half. Stir occasionally to prevent burning. Remove 1/4 cup of the glaze for basting, and set the remaining aside.
Place the salmon filet on the greased broiling pan, and brush with glaze. Broil 3 inches from the heat for 8 to 12 minutes, or until salmon flakes easily with a fork. Gently turn over once during cooking, and baste frequently during the last 4 minutes. Serve with remaining glaze.

Old School Hip Hop Wednesdays -MY 8TH GRADE BABY DADDY!

THIS IS THE MAN THAT I FANTASIZED ABOUT IN 8TH GRADE AS BEING MY HUSBAND AND FATHER TO ALL OF MY KIDS. I WAS IN LOVE WITH HIM SO MUCH, BABY DADDY STATUS WOULD HAVE BEEN OK TOO…BUT I DIGRESS.

ONE OF THE BEST TO EVER DO IT – K.A.N.E.

AIN’T NO HALF STEPPIN
Rappers stepping to me they want to get some
But I’m the Kane, so yo, you know the outcome
Another victory
They can’t get with me
So pick a BC date cause you’re history
I’m the authentic poet to get lyrical
For you to beat me, it’s gonna take a miracle
And, stepping to me, yo that’s the wrong move
So what you on, Hobbs, dope or dog food?
Competition I just devour
Like a pitbull against a Chihuahua
Cause when it comes to being dope, hot damn
I got it good, now let me tell you who I am
The B-I-G D-A-double D-Y K-A-N-E
Dramatic, Asiatic, not like many
I’m different, so don’t compare me to another
Cause they can’t hang, word to the mother
At least not with the principal in this pedigree
So when I roll on you rappers, you better be
Ready to die because you’re petty
You’re just a butter knife, I’m a machete
That’s made by Ginzu, wait until when you
Try to front, so I can chop into
Your body, just because you try to be basing
Friday the 13th, I’mma play Jason
No type of joke, gag, game, puzzle or riddle
The name is Big Daddy, yes Big not little
So define it
Here’s your walking papers, sign it
And take a walk

As the Kane start to talk, cause…

Ain’t no half-steppin’
I’m the Big Daddy Kane